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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29004021">Ravens And Memories</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lanster/pseuds/Lanster'>Lanster</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Gintama</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Embarrassment, Hand Jobs, M/M, Soft Gintoki, Takasugi has some of Oboro's memories, and a childhood crush on Shouyou, so things get slightly awkward</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 11:41:13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>719</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29004021</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lanster/pseuds/Lanster</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Shinsuke stops himself. It's not something he could talk to Gintoki about. It's not something he could even talk to himself about because if he burns down all the shame there'll be only bitter ashes left, which he would swallow with great pleasure and ask for more.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Oboro/Utsuro, Sakata Gintoki/Takasugi Shinsuke, Takasugi Shinsuke/Yoshida Shouyou</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Ravens And Memories</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>feel free to point out any mistakes or weird sentences if you feel that something doesn't sound right</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>In his dreams, ravens scream all the time.<br/>
<br/>
.<br/>
<br/>
Coughing is like feeling sandpaper tear apart the soft walls of his throat. Shinsuke smothers his face with the pillow, his whole body shuddering. Gintoki loudly swears behind his back. Shinsuke wants to shout at him to continue moving but chokes on blood in his mouth. He sees nothing but blazing, feverish colours from the impact of his chest exploding in a seizure.<br/>
<br/>
Gintoki's hand is soft when he turns Shinsuke's head to the side.<br/>
<br/>
"Don't-"<br/>
"Stupid," Gintoki hisses at him. "Shouldn't have listened to you in the first place."<br/>
<br/>
Shinsuke winces from the sharp feeling of cold when Gintoki's body leaves him and tiredly stretches his bent at the knees legs. There's wetness under his stomach and saliva mixed with blood is drying off at the corner of his mouth. Shinsuke feels as an old prostitute with tuberculosis, but Gintoki is still hard and Shinsuke doesn't know if that should be concerning or comforting.<br/>
<br/>
A rag touches his face, gently wiping his lips, fingers tuck locks of hair behind Shinsuke's ear, swipe bangs from the sticky forehead. He knows he should bite at Gintoki's caring fingers, but then it would make the wet rag get in his mouth with them. It's already been far too disgusting. And the look Gintoki's giving him — sickly soft like he's watching a child or an animal suffering, or a cripple. It's unbearable.<br/>
<br/>
Shinsuke pushes himself up in a sitting position and for a few seconds he can do nothing but swallow darkness around him until his vision clears, then he reaches for Gintoki's crotch.<br/>
<br/>
"Oi, you..."<br/>
<br/>
"Shut up," Shinsuke snaps, pressing his cheek to Gintoki's bare shoulder and closing his fingers around his shaft. "You gone soft. Spent too much time playing house with your kids."<br/>
<br/>
Shinsuke remembers those blury nights, which smelled like iron and blood-soaked bandages — you only needed to push slightly and fresh wounds began bleeding. Back then Gintoki didn't care — he would growl in Shinsuke's ear like an animal and bite, raw and hard, both of them drunk on pain.<br/>
<br/>
Back than Gintoki wasn't afraid of hurting him.<br/>
<br/>
"Is this really that bad? Before... it was never the thing I wanted."<br/>
<br/>
Shinsuke looks up at him, twisting his wrist to grab him from another angle.<br/>
<br/>
"So what was that you wanted?"<br/>
<br/>
Gintoki makes a quiet moan, thrusting his hips forward, then closes his eyes, tilts his head and kisses Shinsuke's hair.<br/>
<br/>
"This."<br/>
<br/>
.<br/>
<br/>
Ravens aren't the only ones who scream in his dreams. And sometimes these aren't-<br/>
<br/>
.<br/>
<br/>
"Takasugi? Are you even listening to me?"<br/>
<br/>
Gintoki snaps his fingers in front of Shinsuke's face with a grunt, and Shunsuke blinks, becoming himself again.<br/>
<br/>
His face is burning hot like it's on fire, thousand of fires at ones. It's been a long time since he last felt that kind of shame you want to instantly die from.<br/>
<br/>
"Haaa? Who are you, a shounen-ai protagonist? Stop blushing while you are looking at me!"<br/>
<br/>
"I'm not-"<br/>
<br/>
Shinsuke stops himself. It's not something he could talk to Gintoki about. It's not something he could even talk to himself about because if he burns down all the shame there'll be only bitter ashes left, which he would swallow with great pleasure and ask for more.<br/>
<br/>
.<br/>
<br/>
Sometimes these are memories.<br/>
<br/>
.<br/>
<br/>
Shouyou's hand — no, no, no, Utsuro's hand is heavy on his neck. Shinsuke can't breathe, both of his eyes rolling up towards the ceiling. Utsuro's body above him seems too big, taking all of the space and air. It makes every piece of his skin crawl, every hair stand up.<br/>
<br/>
Shinsuke shakes violently.<br/>
<br/>
"Shh, my boy," Utsuro murmurs sweetly, caressing his face with his free hand.<br/>
<br/>
All thoughts in Shinsuke's head have been blown up, and there remains only ringing cotton-wool void. Even in his wildest, dirtiest dreams of when he hit puberty he's never ever tried to imagine Shouyou like this. It makes him go mad. Shinsuke rubs against his hand like the most loyal dog one can find. This is supposed to be humiliating. Devouring him from the inside. And yet.<br/>
<br/>
"Please," Shinsuke begs in a different voice than his own, barely opening his lips.<br/>
<br/>
Utsuro's smile is sickly familiar and dangerously soft when he leans down to kiss his wet temple.<br/>
<br/>
"As you wish, Oboro."</p>
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